Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
