Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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