Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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