what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster