Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.