Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection