Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

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(323): View more from California

I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(818): View more from California

he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.

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(516): View more from New York

I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something

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(310): View more from California

Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?

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(224): View more from Illinois

You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing

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(406): View more from Montana

I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.

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