a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
