ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
