I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
40s are totally the cure
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
