No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
