I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
