Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If I die, sorry about rent.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
