I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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