I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
