there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
