she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
