I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
