Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
