I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
