I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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