they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I woke up under a house in Key West
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