please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
