found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
