oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
