I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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