omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
