Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
