They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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