So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
