"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
