You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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