it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
