I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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