fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
