You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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