i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
