I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
