I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
