Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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