It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
