Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
