And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
