i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
