The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
