Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
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They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
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He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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