somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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