Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
