she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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