The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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