Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
