I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
