Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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