Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
