I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
