trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
