I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
