this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
