i may or may not be watching the land before time
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
