video games are the ultimate cock blocker
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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