Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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