genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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