he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
