I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
