based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
