we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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