Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
