we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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