walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hippo gnu deer
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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