OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Boobs are out for the taking
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
