Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
