i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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