I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
